Taking a Holiday

It's been a wonderful long weekend remembering and making memories. So I'm going to have a glass of wine now and call it a post.

Mother Guilt

Let me start by saying this post is an attempt to show off my children. All mommy bloggers do it. We can't help it. You don't have to tell me my children are adorable in the comments, but I won't discourage it, either.

My three daughters performed in their first ballet recital on Saturday. Here they are slicked back with the age-appropriate amount of eye shadow, blush, and lip color. Yup, the two in the purple are twins and yes, the 6-year-old in the middle is very tall. And, oh yes, my heart beats with love and pride for them.

The hair, the make up, the costumes--I had nothing to do with any of it. I missed the dress rehearsal. I missed the recital. I was in Dallas to promote Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom, the book I co-wrote and have spent the last five years of my life working on.

I'm fairly certain I was supposed to feel guilty for missing their big debut. One reason why this trip was scheduled at the last minute (my apologies to the places where I held the events who scrambled to put it together) is because I kept hearing a voice that said, "You should not miss your daughters' recital!" Ultimately, though, I felt compelled to make the trip. I toyed around with the idea of feeling guilty, even tried it out on some people. I dragged this Mother Guilt around "like an ankle weight on my heart," as we say in the book, most of the weekend, but didn't actually let it in completely. I wasn't convinced that was how I authentically felt. (And then I wondered: should I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty?) By the time I flew home last night, I knew I had made the right decision to go to Dallas. The big hairy truth is--I didn't feel guilty.

Even when I saw this picture. Such intent for my K on the left. And Mc is there solely for the costume, but that's perfectly fine when you're seven. Besides she can butterfly like nobody's business.

The book won out for several reasons. Primarily because I feel an obligation to my work. My "work" as a writer is marginalized by my "work" as a mom the majority of the time. I work when they are asleep, or at school or screaming at me to "get off the computer!" So, to put my work first is something I felt I deserved. Now, after chest thumping I will also tell you that, other than watching my daughters perform (which I can do on video since my husband taped it for me) I wasn't that disappointed I missed spending my day sitting through a dance rehearsal and recital. Here's the opinion of the performances from my 2-year-old, who sleeps for nothing:

I love being a mother but I don't always love everything about motherhood. Can't we all agree on that one? I think Tina Fey might best illustrate this in a passage from "Bossy Pants":

...There are many moments of my work that are deeply satisfying and fun. And almost as many moments of full-time motherhood that stink like Axe body spray on a brick of blue cheese. (These moments include: cleaning poop out of a one-piece bathing suit, getting kicked in the tits by someone who doesn't want to put on her shoes, Dora the Explorer.)

Perhaps lumping a children's dance recital in all that is a bit harsh. I have just an ever so slight nagging feeling that admitting this on my blog might come back to haunt me. (Girls, if you're reading this as teenagers and need something to hold against me, go ahead, but let me remind you I used my book advance to buy the awesome playset in our backyard.)

The irony is I spent most of my weekend talking about Mother Guilt as it relates to our fitness and often keeps moms from pursuing their workouts (along with other pursuits they deserve). What Laurie and I preach is that, as long as you're clear about your real priorities, and the way you spend your time is a reflection of those priorities you know there should be no place for Mother Guilt. Yes, there will be conflicts when our priorities have to compete for our time. "But we can love and nurture more than one priority just as we can love and nurture more than one child. What's a little sibling rivalry?"

I can't help but feel good about sharing that message with other moms who are struggling to feel they deserve the time for self-improvement, personal growth, even their own health. In fact, doing so has become a priority for me and I think that priority "needed" me more than my children did at their recital. Besides, I also deserved the time away (and boy howdy did I have some fun). 

My friend Darcy's response to Mother Guilt is this: "My me time improves our we time." Deep down we all know this, right? We shouldn't underestimate our kids' knowledge of this, too.

I think the events last weekend helped me crystallize the uselessness of Mother Guilt. I'm no longer going to let it suck the energy from me. It doesn't deserve my time or attention. How about you? Have you let it go?

And just to be clear, I do not think for a single second that the flight delays I experienced on both ends of my trip plus losing my voice is any sort of "punishment" from the Universe for missing the recital. 

Hot (Sweaty) Mamas Are On the Loose

Chiming in before the weekend to give a shout out to my readers in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I will be doing a talk, reading and signing for Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom at the following locations:

• On Saturday, May 21 at Run On! Coppell from 3pm - 5 pm.
• On Sunday, May 22 at the Cooper Fitness Center (for members) from 11:30 - 12:30.
• On Sunday, May 22 at the Life Time Fitness in Plano (for members) a Mom's Cycle Class at 2:30 followed by post-workout snacks courtesy of the Life Cafe.

And for those in the Twin Cities, Laurie will be at the Twin Cities Kids Cross Country Event on Saturday morning at Como Park. She'll have a table with books for sale plus a few items to raffle, including a Go Go Sports Ella Runner Doll. Her table will also be stocked with everything a Hot (Sweaty) Mama needs but might have forgotten (like an emergency diaper and wipes).

Hope to see you all out there!

Safety Vs. Fear

Last week, while out on a run, I called myself the "P" word, as in, "Don't be such a."

I deserved it. I was wearing my trail running shoes, had made it to my favorite trail and then creeped myself out. I thought about the two coyote sightings I had this week, very near my house. Within five steps I envisioned a coyote attacking my beloved greybador retriever. (What, never heard of that breed?)

So I scooted toward the road, intending to run through a more populated neighborhood.

It took about three minutes for me to come to my senses. First of all, really, what is the likelihood of a coyote attacking us? Besides, those coyotes were pretty puny, half my dog's size. But most of all, I was wearing trail shoes. My intention was to run on the trail. I was looking forward to the scenery, to the (friendly) wildlife, and the calm and rejuvenation I feel when I'm there. I was not going to be scared off my own trail by my own irrational thinking. So I called myself the P word and turned around.

This fear factor isn't always such a bad thing. A certain amount of fear helps us take precautions to be more safe. And let's face it, there are a lot worse things out there than mangy coyotes.

I will never forget hearing about a woman who was severely beaten and sexually assaulted in an area near our old home in Texas. I had run through and walked my dog many times in this area, forging a path to the trail by the lake, something I'm sure she was doing, too. This happened within months after we moved away and it haunted me, and haunts me still. I had always felt a certain amount of safety in those places I considered "mine." Now, as a result, I am more apt to avoid secluded areas when it's dark and when I do choose the road less traveled I prefer to run with a pal, even my four-legged one. She may be getting old but she would defend me to her death, I'm certain of it.

Sometimes weirdos are out with the masses. One of my first wake-up calls to be aware of others and take measures to be safe came when I was in my early 20s. Coming home from a run, on a path along a busy road, I was listening to tunes (on, yes, a Walkman) when a man grabbed me on my rear. I stopped, yelped, and looked around for someone else who might have seen what just happened. Cars kept driving by. I slid the enormous foam headphones off my ears and watched the man run off and listened to his footsteps. I'm certain that incident affected my ability to listen to music as I run. I just don't do it. I like to hear what's going on around me. Besides, I love the songs of mourning doves and chickadees, peepers and geese honking overhead.

We had a great run, my dog and I. We did not see any coyotes. Just two blue herons and a hawk. I cleared my head, hit my internal reset button, and enjoyed nature in a way I wouldn't have had I taken the other route.

It's a fine line between being safe and being afraid. I always want to be safe (ever more a priority since motherhood it seems) but I never want to avoid doing something out of fear. Sometimes it takes me awhile to know the difference. Last week, that was about a quarter of a mile. And I needed the extra distance anyway.

Any safety tips to share?

Tips for Running with a Stroller

With warmer weather I've been running with The Boy in the stroller more often. This is exciting for me for two reasons:

1. I didn't run much with my daughters. I had a double jogger and 3 toddlers. I had a supply and demand problem.
2. The Boy, unlike his sisters on the rare occasions I got 1 or 2 of 3 out on a run, really enjoys the ride; he does not protest, beg to get out or cry halfway through the run. 

So these days running with The Boy while my daughters are at school is both feasible and (this is so important) enjoyable. There's more to know about running with children than simply strapping them in and taking off. I interviewed my friend and fitness expert Darcy Franklin after taking one of her running clinics, so I could learn from her, and share with you, tips for running with a stroller.

Enjoy the video below and let me know what you like about taking your kids along for a run and please share other stroller running tips you have.

Did you know you're a fitness mentor?

I had the opportunity to write a few articles for the Life Time Weight Loss website and want to share what I wrote with my Mama Sweat readers. This should already make sense for you, as a member of "the choir": For Parents, Exercise isn't "Me Time." It's Mentor Me Time!

I include five ideas for getting fit with your kids. I'd love to hear your best mom-and-child workout. Please share!

And Happy Mother's Day to all of you Hot (Sweaty) Mamas! If you happen to be in the Twin Cities and will be out shopping on Saturday (for your mom or yourself!) stop by the Barnes & Noble at the Galleria Mall in Edina from 2 pm to 3 pm, where Laurie and I will be speaking and signing copies of Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom.

Update #5 from Mamacat

When the subject line showed up in my in box, "Weak Week," I expected the worst from Mamacat. After reading the email, though, I am certain she is farther down the road to becoming a Hot (Sweaty) Mama than she realizes. In the book we talk about qualities that every Hot (Sweaty) Mama needs to sharpen. Those are 1) Initiative, because no one is going to workout for you, 2) Confidence, feeling strong about your priority to be fit, 3) Persistence, try and try again and if it doesn't work today try again tomorrow, and 4) Creativity, because sometimes we have to exercise "outside the lines."

Mamacat used all of those qualities last week, don't you think? Here's her report:

It feels like this past week was a weak one for me, but in hindsight I ran twice so it wasn't a complete wash. I left for Boston at the crack of dawn on Monday and returned home in time to make it to the launch of Moms on the Run. That is going to be really cool. I think it helped, both mentally and physically that it was freezing cold by the lake... we couldn't get started running fast enough. Before I knew it, we had completed our first run/walk class with 60 second runs and 3 minute walks. There were a few "bursts" that went by quickly and others in which I felt like I was sucking sand. The camaraderie was cool, though: Sisterhood rocks. I actually had to say outloud that I was 1) running to try and like running and 2) running so I could do a duathalon. The latter made me sound like I was fit.

Kara interrupting here to say, YES! YES, to all of it, especially that part about sounding like you are fit. You are walking the talk (quite literally).

I ate my veggies that night, too. Rutebega slices and cucumbers; both raw, both fresh and both good.  I also started buying fresh fruit from the deli counter when I stop to get my morning Diet Coke. With fruit at my desk, I nibble on that instead of naughty things. 

Rutebega? That's pretty darn bold for a woman who doesn't like veggies! Sounds like someone who wants to earn her massage!

No work out for the next few days after a multi-day migraine. Saturday morning I slept through the 8 am spin class and by the time I left for the gym realized they didn't have daycare hours in the afternoon. I stayed in my workout clothes and when my weekend-working husband arrived home, I took the kids to the track at the park and did the same workout as I did on Wednesday with Moms on the Run, while they rode bikes. Having had "direction" on what to do, I couldn't cheat myself. 

Today, Sunday, I had to catch a flight and I felt too much pressure to hit the gym and pack and make it to the airport on time. The flight was delayed so it will be too late by the time I get in. Monday is a new week and a new day. I know I will find time to do my Moms on the Run homework and am jonesing for a spin class!  

Initiative, Confidence, Persistence, Creativity. It's all there!

Oh, did I mention breaking in my new running shoes, a serious-support-the-girls sports bra and really good socks? Mental and physical difference. Tonight I'm gong to sleep with my Hot Sweaty Mamas book under my pillow so all the good karma and tips will seep out into my brain. I'm serious. Why do you think I bought the shoes? There is a chapter for that.  

Just for the record nowhere in the book do we recommend sleeping with a copy of Hot (Sweaty) Mamas under your pillow, but hey, if it works for you we won't discourage it either! A New Jersey publication called Parent Paper just published a Q&A with Laurie and I, where you can read more about our thoughts on being Hot (Sweaty) Mamas!